Eiron’s Archives

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You can trigger a response from Eiron with a question via his contact page

Twitter feed : @Eiron_Foyer

[ With kind regards to The Right Honourable Joseph Addison, c. 1709 ]

Dear YIslanduur

Farbeit from me to be the one who discourages you from your forays into CryptoCurrencies. Allow me, however, to point out one thing. Or rather several things.

Recall the Great Gold Rush . . . although some did indeed make their fortune with a substantial find, the group which financially outperformed the prospectors was the one which provided the shovels, rope, panning trays, and fenceposts.

Now let’s turn to the CryptoGoldRush . . . My prediction is that the group which history will show to have consistently earned the most will be comprised of firms which rent out the GPU server-farms that process the Blockchain data. Or will they?

What about the companies which supply electrical energy to the server farms – which, as a group, now consume more electricity on a daily basis than some quite large European countries. So, then, the real winners must be :

The companies which supply electricity ?

But wait ! We should not forget that they in turn need to buy prodigious quantities of fuel (predominantly oil and gas) to run their generators. So, at last – we arrive at the real winners – the hydrocarbon miners.

And there you have it. If you want to make real money, forget CryptoCurrency – and get into oil. That is if you don’t mind being a complete and utter ███ .

Eiron: I notice that “Farbeit” is not conventionally regarded a word – which is odd, since “Sobeit” and “Allbeit” are. I’ll let it go this time. Ed.

Dear DerZeptio45

Whilst I am inclined to concur with you on the notion that our (human) brains are probably not all that distinct from those of our simian cousins, I would strongly discourage you from your thesis that “we should respect our psychological roots and behave more naturally like primates”. Can I suggest that you consult this recent research?

Dear JumpinFl4shJ4ck

Quite honestly, I wouldn’t worry too much about your apparent memory loss. Have you considered how much more you have to remember every day compared to say, just 20 years ago? Furthermore, many of us are far busier too – I’ll warrant that nowadays, we will all have at least some difficulty in remembering all the things that we have to do.

The important thing is that one keeps one’s ‘little grey cells’ fully exercised. Can I recommend the following technique . . .

Every time you need to remember something, attach one of those useful fluorescent paper stickers to a nearby object. I use the ones from the Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing company (always buy the best quality that you can afford, as the cheaper ones tend to fall off). Now, and this is the crucial part – do not write anything on the note ! That way, the next time that you happen to glance in its direction the ‘little grey cells’ will, by necessity, spring into action. and you will soon recall why you put it there. Observe also, that the notes can be reused time and time again, which is not only ecologically correct, but will save you money.

Dear broanescque

You may or may not be correct in stating that ███ is a moron. However, could I caution against jumping to a conclusion. One’s first assumption when one observes a person behaving as a moron should always be that they are not one, but have been coerced into doing so by someone even more moronic.

This is not always the case of course. Sometimes they themselves choose to emulate the moronic behaviour of (those whom they presume to be) their superiors.

Allright, I concede. I was trying to convince myself as I wrote, but you are correct,  ███ is indeed a moron.

Dear Ed.

Thanks, but I am fine as a fiddle. I recently applied for an online course – but found that I had mistakenly clicked on ‘poetry’ instead of ‘pottery’. Since I had already paid, I decided to continue anyway. I leaned of many things – such as acatalectic  analogy . . .

A blacksmith can take a simple iron strip, and (with the help of a furnace) can fashion a fancy ferule, a filigree, or a ferrous frolic.  Alternatively, he/she can turn it into something useful like a horseshoe, or a knife, or a doorstop.

It was a close shave I admit, but I have escaped without permanent damage.

Dear Cxzeckst4n

I share the same response. At this time of the year, nothing pleases me more than to take a short and leisurely stroll down to the local sandy beach, where I shall find, as often as not, a host of gulls wheeling and tumbling in the azure sky, Without – it seems to me – a care in the World. As one, their united flock dives, flows and (re)turns with consummate grace. Timeless. Limitless . Flow. A spectacle of kinetic living connectedness.

Eiron: I just checked, and there is no beach in Andorra. Are you ok? You don’t seem quite your usual self (again). Ed.

Dear gradolistus

I’m sorry to hear that you are having trouble with your bank. As you will appreciate, I am not a financial advisor – I can however, tell you about the strategies which I have used in the past to get them to behave.

If you have a large deposit with a bank, they will consistently ignore you – unless . . . you give them the impression that you are just about to withdraw the entire amount. Then they will contact you and offer all kinds of advice. Ignore their advice, but tackle them with the problems you have been having, which they will quickly resolve for you.

Alternatively, if you have a large debt with the bank, then you must lead them to believe that you are about to default on the loan, and that it will be completely impossible for them to recover the bulk of their money without your assistance. They will give you every courtesy and, as above, will happily and speedily correct any problems that you have been having.

Dear UvorPrinq77

If you want my opinion, you are wasting your money applying for an ‘International Relations’ course at university. Frankly, you can learn everything you need to know in an hour or so. As in any professional field, the key to it is simply getting a firm grasp on the required language skills. Allow me to illustrate with an imaginary current-day high-level exchange between World Leaders.

“You are the very biggest stupid person like EVER”
“Oh yeah? At least I’m not fat!”
“Just stupenduzly [sic] stupid”
“But my weapons are as big as yours, and so is my bank account”
“Yeah, like Duh! Your bank is in MY country, jackass”
“. . . errr, is the bar open?”
“Dunno, let’s check it out – by the way, got any ███ ?”

Put in some practice speaking in that way and I guarantee and you will be able to acquire and hold down the very highest-level diplomatic job in (almost) any First World country.

Dear Awbuthnought-II

No, I have absolutely no idea where to buy cut-price chandeliers. Please could you inform me why, in the name of ██████ ████████ ██████ you have come to the conclusion that I would know such a thing? I have nothing against chandeliers mind you. I like chandeliers. It’s the ‘cut price’ part which leaves me flabbergasted. Who do you think I am? Do you have any idea whatso

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