Eiron’s Archives 02

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But you should not concern yourself with the fact that the devices emit electromagnetic radiation. They are essentially passive devices – in a sense, they simply reflect the radiation which is sent to them when you pass nearby an RFID reader. And you will, of course, be subjected to the reader’s radio waves whether or not you have a tag implanted.

So, to recap, the only foreseeable risk comes from problems associated with injecting the device. If you would like to continue enjoying the frisson associated with gaining access to your exclusive club without having to show membership, I suggest the following simple solution.

Instead of injecting the tag, just swallow one every couple of days. Not necessarily the same one – you could have a stock with the same codes – it’s up to you of course.

Dear Quillflipper

You ask my opinion about official ‘snooping’ and your computer system. Specifically, you would like to know whether ‘ The Authorities ’ are able to collect data about your online activities and your computer files. The answer, of course, is absolutely, yes. There are a myriad of ways in which this could be done. For instance by accessing ‘server logs’ stored at the company which you use for your www access.

Your question though, was whether they ‘are able’ rather than whether they actually do. I am sure that you must be aware that they are able’ to arrest you at any time just for wearing a T-shirt with the ‘ wrong ’ slogan written on it. [ Astonishingly, such cases have recently occurred both in the US and the UK. Ed.]

Unless you are involved in some serious skulduggery, the chances of any surreptitious data-collection causing you noticeable adverse effects, however, must be significantly less than being struck by lightning whilst playing croquet.

If, for some reason, you have a requirement to send and receive data anonymously and securely, I would suggest carrier pigeons are by far the best option at present.

Even they are not infallible though. I utilise the services of Paloma-Poste S.A. , and one of their avian couriers, known as ‘ Bobby ’, recently managed to ‘lose’ one of my tobacco futures stock option certificates ! ( As luck would have it, the market dipped and I made more on the insurance than I would have on the bonds ! Thank you ‘Bobby’ )

Dear Volt240

– would like to know if it’s possible to ‘ create a silent ringtone ’ for his/her mobile. Yes, of course it is. In fact Really Magazine has already covered the subject in some depth ( do a search ). I feel, however, that I may be shed some more light on the subject by looking at it from another perspective. I might point out, therefore, that downloading a silent ringtone will A) cost you money, and B) cause all sorts of administrative headaches for the music royalty collection agencies.

So why not neatly sidestep around the problem instead of running at it headlong ? Simply locate the speaker in your mobile ( it’s usually behind a small grille – or sometimes just a tiny hole ) and, utilising a sharp, strong, pointed object of some sort, smartly jab it into the offending device. Do not be timid, imagine you are disabling a fearsome and dangerous insect.

If you are fortunate ( and I must emphasise there is an element of risk in the procedure ) then you may never have to worry about ringtones again. Furthermore, you will be performing an act, a small one admittedly, which will benefit mankind as a whole.

( I have heard that a drop of cyanoacrylate adhesive will achieve much the same result, but have never tried it. )

[ Note for our younger readers, ask your parent or guardian’s permission first Ed.]

Dear Nifter_55_backslash

I would think that it’s very unlikely.

I am aware, as you point out, that there are several manufacturers currently producing ’water resistant’ mobile phones. They are aimed – or so I believe – at the ‘outdoor’ market. In other words, campers / canoeists / or even, perhaps, surfers.

But you should note that they are classified as ‘water resistant’ rather than ‘waterproof’. So I very much doubt that they could function in even the most shallow of waters. Furthermore, even if the electronics were sufficiently sealed as to be proof against water to a reasonable depth – as are many watches ( my Kallista is safe to 100Mtrs ), then the mobile would still not function when submerged.

The microwave electromagnetic spectrum which has been chosen for mobiles is far too high a frequency to propagate any substantial distance underwater. To do so it would have to operate at a vastly lower frequency – which of course means a vastly larger antenna. When I say large – I am thinking in terms of kilometres long. Not terribly practical I think you will agree.

I haven’t asked the obvious question though. ‘Why would you want such a thing ?’ What are you hoping to do ? Txt dolphins or whales ? If so, I regret that I cannot give you the advice you require – as I have no qualifications in psychiatry.

Dear effset932_w

You enquire ‘whether lightbulb filaments are toxic’ ?

Perhaps I can illuminate you ( Hah ! )

It all depends upon how one measures toxicity. Toxic in what quantity ? Perhaps we can just say then, that as far as is known, tungsten appears to be relatively non-toxic in comparison with most other metals.

I would strongly urge you, however, not to make a habit of ingesting lightbulb filaments – or any other part of a lightbulb. I am aware, of course, that lightbulb-eating was once very fashionable amongst circus and vaudeville entertainers etc etc. But they are seasoned experts who carefully weigh-up the benefits of eating potentially harmful items as against the remuneration which they receive for doing so. ( as you may be aware, I also write restaurant reviews )

Your e-mail didn’t mention whether you are such a performer – in case you are a professional, then I can direct you to this website for exact information.

Otherwise – I urge that you dismiss the subject from your mind completely. It’s very unlikely to happen by accident.

Dear blast0way

As I have now almost fully recovered, I will endeavour to give you my full attention. Yes, I have heard about the imaginative plans to link personal pensions to the stock market. I am going to take a wild guess and assume that you might not be a stockbroker, or market analyst yourself ?

If I am correct, I can advise you of research which has demonstrated, many times, that the market fluctuations are random in nature ( over a reasonably lengthy period ). By definition, it is not possible to apply any predictive assertions to a random dataset.

It is feasible, however, to engage in what I believe is termed ‘social engineering’. In other words, if one were in a position to obtain pertinent information from, say, directors of a blue-chip multinational just before a planned takeover – or the recall of a defective drug – or notice of a civil courtcase – one could make a small fortune with minimal effort.

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