Eiron’s Archives 03

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It is undeniable though that falling fruits ( especially coconuts) can be extremely dangerous, and I can tell you that I have personally had a very close shave indeed with a plummeting jackfruit whilst I was conducting an experiment in New Guinea.

You may not be aware that a jackfruit ( delicious though they are ) can easily weigh 15Kg, and they often grow at a height of 10mtrs or so. Speaking as someone whose skull was attinged in a thoroughly uncompromising way by one of these monstrous falling seedpods, I can assure you, therefore, that it is far from an amusing matter.

I take your point about risk analysis though.

Dear U2veghappywithrocket

Yes, you are perfectly correct when you correlate temperature with electronic system noise.

And I was most impressed to see the photo of the CD rack which you have constructed inside your refrigerator, but it will not, I fear, achieve your objectives.

Needless to say I am fully aware of the lengths that some ‘audiophiles’ ( a.k.a. [ ████████ ] ) will go to enhance their ‘ listening experience ‘, but I feel that a little more objective focussing on the laws of physics rather than the laws of [ ████████ ] will probably, in the long run, be rather more productive.

And no, I do not wish to purchase any of your ‘oxygen-free speaker cable’. I am extremely happy with my Gründig radiogram thank you.

( though it does have a defective EM84 ‘magic-eye’ , do you know where I might find a replacement ? )

Dear 9peffid9_23

Your ‘idea’ is only marginally more grotesque than your web-handle.

It must be disposed of in the proper manner according to current cosmetic industry / medical Hazmat regulations – and in any case would be far too viscous for Diesel-powered vehicles.

That said, as a general rule, I would not normally wish to discourage any attempts towards recycling and waste usage, and I agree that, given the current outlook, it is unlikely that there will be a shortage in the foreseeable future ( especially in [████████] ).


Dear trnsamilletum

You enquired as to the exact chances that a (suitable) coin, dropped from a height of one metre onto a hard surface, would land on its edge, and remain balanced thus.

I can inform you that there is indeed a finite chance that this will occur. Indeed, given sufficient trials, it must occur. In fact I have personally witnessed just such an event more than once.

As to the exact probability – I cannot say within any accuracy. Luckily though, my ignorance in this area has not, so far at least, proved much of a hindrance to my survival in the real world.

I do hope that the same will apply to you.

Dear wastwater_on_tees

You asked whether imbibing large amounts of red wine can postpone the onset of ageing.

That would, of course, depend on the quantity.

If you were to drink enough in one ‘session’ so to speak, then you could most certainly postpone the onset – rather permanently.

I would not condone or recommend such an action however, and would instead urge you to moderate your vitiphilism to sensibly reasonable levels – say [ ████████ ] bottles a day ?

Will it postpone the onset of old age ? Alas, probably not, though it will, in my humble opinion at least, make the journey to that unwelcome destination considerably more (qu)affable.


wonders whether ‘life on Earth’ had its beginning as one unique event, or perhaps spontaneously occurred at several points during the history of the planet.

It may surprise you to learn that was I not around six billion years ago to witness the event(s) in question – and so cannot give a truly definitive answer.

What I can say though, is that if it did evolve more than once, then it was a remarkable coincidence that it was based on carbon and DNA each time.

We should also bear in mind that it may be a very myopic and parochial assumption that life evolved on Earth at all ! It may well have developed elsewhere and simply ‘arrived’ here – in which case of course it may well have arrived several times. In fact, it could still be arriving now.

When personkind has the chance to examine in detail the contents of all those cosmic hoover-bags ( a.k.a. comets ) I feel fairly confident we shall find many of them to be teeming with life-forms – though perhaps not quite at the same level of development as, say, a slime-mould or a first division football player.

Dear minifeild_23slashsemicolon

Fascinating ! I had absolutely no idea that robots were being developed to pick mushrooms ! I never cease to be astonished by the technical ingenuity and persistence of our species !

Oddly though, at this stage, I cannot quite fathom why a mushroom-picking-robot would be a necessary addition to the world which we inhabit.

After all, we can get [ ████████ ] to pick them for next to nothing anyway. ( Oh dear, I do hope you’re not [ ████████ ] yourself, wouldn’t wish to offend )

Dear loofahloofar

I can think of several reasons which may explain why you have recently ‘ been finding it increasingly hard to distinguish between the red and green lights of traffic signals.

Possibility one: If I understand you correctly, your concern is that you may be developing colour a form of colour blindness – and I am pleased to tell you that this is extremely unlikely, for, as far as I am aware, the chances of a sudden onset of this condition is vanishingly small.

Possibility two: Your car windscreen needs cleaning.

Dear CardRefused

No, you shouldn’t be in the least worried about the current lack of sunspot activity. I can confidently predict that they will return, in abundance, soon. ( where soon = a few months )

Even if they did not ( which they will ) then I could surmise that Life On Earth would continue much as normal anyway – including yours.

Dear nbvxnjhgfd

Ha ! what nonsense ! what piffle ! what balderdash ! what utter tripe ! fiddle-faddle, guff, and twaddle, Do you really think that I could oneday be replaced by an Artificial Intelligence (AI) chatbot ?

Oh Really ?

I do respect your right to your point of view of course – and, as a gesture of goodwill, I have despatched for your attention a copy of my recent book, Auto-taxidermy for beginners.

Dear Palistrin0flat

For your information, the case was brought against me by a disgruntled competitor. From the very start, there never was a shred of evidence to support his utterly flimsy and irrelevant notions.

In any event, I one.

[ what case ? Ed. ]

Dear lK5nTgq33

Yes, you are quite correct. There a countless millions of neutrinos ( source unknown ) passing though every cubic centimetre of your body – 24 hours a day.

It is extremely unlikely however, that any of them will ‘interact’ in any way with your good self. Thusly, I can reassure you that there is very little cause for concern.

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