Eiron’s Archives 06

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Thus, the snoring ‘ defect ‘ would have been very rapidly bred-out of the population by a quite literally brutal method.

As we know though, it was not.

I can only think of one possible explanation for this. The advantages of snoring clearly must have outweighed the disadvantages.

I admit that up to this point I have been unable to fathom exactly what the advantage is – but I am utterly convinced that there must be one.

Dear Harr_daHulk

Your question “ What chemical compound can I use to waterproof my gloves “ seems perfectly reasonable at first glance – but it is not.

For all practical purposes, there is no such thing as ‘ waterproof ’ – just water resistant. Given sufficient pressure, water will find its way into almost any object.

Now, if you wish to make your gloves water resistant , can I suggest butchers tallow – or, if you are vegetarian, Vaseline™. ( if you do so though, I recommend against driving, operating heavy machinery, lifting cups of hot drink, or shaking hands with strangers ).

Dear TrilBnoit

What is the point of asking me “ How can I make an alcoholic still ? “ Now honestly, haven’t you discovered G**gle yet ? They’ll know I’m sure.

If not, try shouting “ Bar’s closed ” very loudly.

Dear NlisT_nuff

Yes you are absolutely correct. The scientific advances achieved in recent years have allowed huge strides in terms of the comfort provide by footwear. Sadly though, the progress has been matched by a corresponding, and unnecessary, degradation in visual appearance. If you don’t object to wearing shoes that have all the stylishness of a polyester tracksuit from a thrift-shop on the Isle of Sheppey circa 1980, then so be it. But, since you enquired, I can offer some advice as to how to circumvent this sad state of affairs.

I buy a pair of the sharpest Oxford Cap brogues made-to-measure by my favourite outfitters in London’s Jermyn St. I also purchase a pair of the most supremely comfortable – though truly hideous – trainers from an upscale sports retailers. Next, I take both pairs to the most expert gentleman’s bespoke cobbler that I know of ( which happens to be in Ordina, [ ███████] ).

I get Giuseppe to remove the polyurethane sole-assemblies from the trainers, and surgically graft them – invisibly – into the brogues. The result – both literally and metaphorically – is walking on air ( though, in reality I know it’s just pressurised nitrogen )

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